can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize