That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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