Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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