I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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