Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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