I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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