yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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