I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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