im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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