I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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