I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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