i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize