This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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