It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
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dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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