My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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