Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize