dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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