look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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