i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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