She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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