see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Say something about gay babies.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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