Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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