He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
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only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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