The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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