At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We got so high we made milksteak
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize