well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize