u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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