think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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