Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize