i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize