So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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