can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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