There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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