The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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