I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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