She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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