the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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