i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize