I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you had me at cake vodka
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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