it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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