The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize