that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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