Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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