I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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