Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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