Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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