i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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