I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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