Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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