Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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